I have autism. One of the fun things about autism is random, acute onsets of various comorbid conditions. I don't know when it happened, maybe today, maybe a few days ago, but I've only just today noticed a shift in my mood that is indicative of the onset of an acute bout of depression. These come on hard, when they do, but not often. Maybe once or twice a year. I dread each one, but here I am.

I have been nasty to some of my alliance members over the last couple of days, thinking it was all fun and games. I was wrong, it was spite. Not because I don't like them, but because depression makes me hateful, and I laugh because it gives me a rise. It's a horrible feeling to realise that this is what you are doing. It creates a bit of a loop, really, that ends up making it worse. Like it's not already bad enough.

A little over two years ago, before I started playing this game, things were worse. Much worse. I wasn't this cogent, this aware of my own mood or this aware of its consequences. I just wanted, before I go a bit silent for the next couple of days as I try to cope with this, stop by and tell you why things have changed.

It's you, this community, this game, its developers, my friends in my alliance - this entire community, whether you love me or hate me, I want you to know that I consider you all my friends, my only friends. Sure, I have a few family members and acquaintances I'm in contact with on Facebook, but it's not the same thing. They don't have the same daily contact with me that EVE and everyone that's a part of it does. Due to being on disability, and unsure of when I'm going to be able to go back to work, without EVE, I may have gone completely nuts.

So, thank you, everyone. No, I'm not quitting, I just came back ffs, so yes I'll still be playing, but in a rather incommunicative way, or 'carebearing', if you will.

That is all.